Perception Is Not Always Reality
I photoshopped the model’s big kinky hair over an image of myself. Copped her earrings too. I’d never fiddle with it for long and if anyone caught me daydreaming, I’d plead the fifth.
I couldn’t laugh without also reminding myself of how much I ached inside. If I found a moment of peace, I’d feel like I was on borrowed time. Like that model’s looks, I was just trying it on. It didn’t belong to me.
If I didn’t have it, I shouldn’t, and if I wasn’t happy I oughtn’t be. That was my perception of what I thought was my reality.
A Shift in Perspective
In fact, I was just stuck in one narrow perspective. That perspective shifted when I envisioned myself natural–with big kinky hair and chandelier earrings–when I visualized it in such detail that I started to dream about it.
I dreamed of smiling all the way in my heart and feeling pride where shame and frustration had long resided. I saw possibility instead of a false reality, and later, reality where I once only saw the glimmer of possibility.
That big kinky twistout is mine now and can’t nobody tell me nothing.
It Starts With Believing
I had to start by believing in better. Believing in better changed my mindset from one of despair to one of doing, and my outlook from one of impossibility to one of imagination. That makes it so much easier to work towards change, when change is already a difficult task on its own.
If I never have, I always can. Even if I never was, I still have the capacity to become my fullest self.
I’m far from okay, but I’m better. I’m finding my moments of joy again, and I believe.
New Growth is a series on how I got to self-care through hair. I’m talking about going natural, and I’m talking about dealing with depression. It’s not easy, and neither is opening up about it, but I’m daily encouraged by the stories I’ve read in this community and elsewhere. So, feel free to leave a comment or a link below. Don’t forget to like, share this with anyone whom you think needs it, and subscribe. You can also follow me on my other platforms via the links in the sidebar.